• I didn't say it was going to be easy, I said it would be worth it.

  • 2013 List

    1. Black Belt

    2. Teach a class

    3. Gallery Showing

    4. Attend a poetry slam

    5. Guitar Lessons

    6. Power of No

    7. Renew Passport / Use it

    8. Turn 30 and Love it

    9. 4.0 in Grad School

    10. Surprise myself
  • Where’s 2012??

  • Where’s 2011??

  • Where’s 2010??

  • April 2014
    M T W T F S S
    « Jan    

The Hunger Games

Not these kinds —->  .
Not these kinds

Not these kinds

les_miserables_ver11_xlg (Period piece, duhsies)
THESE kinds.


Eww eww gross, something completely natural that happens to billions of women every day. Grow up. Get out of here with your tampon hate’n attitude. Oh nooo, the place where the miracle of conception happens and where another human being grows….INSIDE another human being. Blerrrgh ugggh vaginas, bluggggh.
Everyone done? We all cool?

Anyway, this isn’t really about riding the red pony (ok, now THAT one was gross). It’s about how your weight, mood and eating habits change. I have been getting my lady friend for 18 blissful years and I have mastered the bi-polar roller coaster that are my hormones.

Lifetime Movies couldn’t write a better way to get your period for the first time like the way it played out for me.

I was 12, in my cheerleading uniform rooting on the guys for Pop Warner Football. I like, totally had a crush on this boy and I was like, so excited he was there. Mom was there, as were all my female cousins. Went to the bathroom with all my little girly cheerleader friends and they noticed some red something going down my leg. ‘OH MY GAWD! DEZ GOT HER PEEEEERIOD!’ I went to tell my Mom, and she was so excited for me, then proceeded to tell ALL my female cousins. Who have the loudest Irish whisper I’ve ever heard, and everyone in the bleachers knew within minutes, which spread like wildfire. And on the bus ride home, like my totally cute crush sat next to me and said ‘Hey, is it true you got your period?’ and laughed and laughed. And then I DIED. Then, I got gigantic boobs overnight. And it was the worst thing in the entire world. Thee end.

Food cravings and things didn’t really hit me until I was in my 20’s. And now, minimum 10lbs of water weight each month and gigantic-er boobs. I’m not really into sweets; I’m a salty snacker which makes the bloating even worse. But the one symptoms of PMS that makes me insane and is the hardest to get over is:
Bottomless Pit Day.

It’s usually the 4th or 5th day right before actual lady time begins. Where no matter how much I eat, no matter what I eat, when or where, I will still feel absolutely starving. I usually force myself to go straight home and straight to bed early just to avoid eating. Have you ever heard of a guy who has to force himself to go to sleep earlier because he’s too hungry to function like a normal human? “Soz, Bro. I can’t come out cause I gotta go to bed cause I’m so f***ing hungry!”

Normally, if I just go to bed by 9pm, I won’t stay up all night and just binge on everything. By 9pm, I’ve already done the damage. I guess the good thing about it, is it only happens ONE day during my cycle. But it’s enough to throw me off kilter.

But doesn’t that sound just a little insane?

WHY does this happen?

Well, a few reasons. After consulting with my nutritionist, OB/GYN and Googling like minded individuals… it comes down to a spike in hormones AND nutrients.

Duh, right?

This day of insatiable hunger is because progesterone is at its highest, which contributes to hunger levels. It’s not just a trick we play on our boyfriends so we can get away with housing a whole pizza. It’s science, bro. Look it up.

Second, lack of nutrients. I already know I’m iron-deficient. I rarely eat red meat and I rarely eat meat all together. I don’t get a lot of protein, I don’t eat a lot of carbs (bready carbs). Clearly, something is missing by the time I hit the Hunger-pocalyse. I’d eat an entire cow covered in bread by the time I’m in full swing.

Third, a woman’s body is burning more calories come ovulation time. But not much, on average only about 100 calories more per day, which does not justify those 4000lbs of cheese puffs I just housed.

Fourth, I’ve been working out like a maniac again. So I’ve been naturally hungrier without my hormones playing tricks on me.

So with all these factors, no wonder why I turn into a monster. DEZ SMAAAASH!

So my goal was to figure out how to combat my inevitable Bottomless Pit Day, with nutrients and mind games.

1. Water Water Water.
2. Spinach Smoothie for breakfast with protein and flax seed.
3. Taking photos of my healthy food (and not so healthy food) and SHOW it to everyone. I try to be motivational and inspirational, so holding myself accountable is very important.
4. Working OUT. An hour of kickboxing should do it!
5. I ate meat! (Chicken)

Here is what I ate today:


Water, grande pike with half and half, and spinach protein smoothie which consisted of: a bunch of frozen spinach (ran out of fresh), a lil OJ, whole foods chocolate protein powder, flax seed, water.



IMG_20140115_122307Clementine. Then I got way hungrier and ate a whole cucumber with non-fat ranch and a cheese stick.


IMG_20140115_134508Boloco just added new items to stuff your burrito with! So today I took out the rice and used quinoa instead! Buffalo chicken, celery, hot sauce and… KALE!!! My GOD was it delicious. And, their wraps are thinner (according to their email about healthier options). Normally, I eat half and save the other half for dinner. But again, I was in monster mode and I housed this entire thing.

Snack: ONE mini candy bar….


Ugggh. Ok fine… TWO mini candy cars.


As I was leaving work, I knew I was going to kickboxing and I was already starving (obvi). So I had this:

Pre-workout snack:


100 Calorie Fiber English Muffin with a tablespoon of reduced fat Jif Peanut Butter. Normally I eat this for breakfast and it works. But I know if I didn’t eat before working out, I would absolutely go home and pig out. See, you gotta PREP to avoid the rage binge.

After a great workout, I figured I would just have another glass of Spinach protein smoothie and I would be ok.

Post Work Out:


I was not. I was still starving. Notice how my walls are the same color as the smoothie… not sure how I feel about that.

So I had to make lunch for tomorrow and I made a lil extra so I could eat a small dinner

Tomorrows Lunch /Mini dinner:


Shrimp sauteed with shallots, garlic and yellow peppers, lettuce and a 100 calorie tortilla wrap.

Now THAT did the trick. It’s 10pm right now, and I can honestly say I don’t feel the need to eat anymore. Nor will I. My cravings were to get Proscuitto Mac & Cheese from Scollay Square, donuts, 100 mini candies, cheetos, burger for dinner, mint chocolate ice cream, 8 glasses of wine and a block of cheese. All of which I had immediate access to.

It’s a matter of pre-planning. And not just for the days you know you’re gonna want to pig out, but devoting as much time into your meals throughout the week as you do to binge watching Netflix. Well, shit you dont even need that much time. I have two motivators for planning my meals. Number one, I know every single thing that I am eating and no mystery calories. Number two, I save HUNDREDS of dollars a month eating 95% of my meals from home. I know, I did the math. I can spent $200 a month on groceries and never have to buy a meal outside of my house.

I have beaten Bottomless Pit Day!!!!!

And you know what, it was really f***ing hard. It would’ve been so much easier to just eat what I wanted and dealt with the guilt later (because that’s how I’m wired). But I’m kind of tired of that crap. You keep doing what you always do, then you’ll always get what you’ve always gotten.

New Years REVOLUTIONS. (Yes, Revolutions…)




Taking New Years Resolutions BACK. 

I’ll do a recap of 2013 later, a very powerful and growing year for me.

I need to talk about a few things that have been bothering me a bit.

Fat Shaming

Remember when these donkeys wrote about #fatshamingweek for women? The idea that harsh ridicule and public shaming to overweight WOMEN (not men) will help them lose weight and become hotties for their own good AND for the benefit of men to enjoy? I started to write a post about it, but decided against it. This topic was beat to death by angry women and internet trolls everywhere.  As an overweight girl AND someone who has been publicly fat shamed countless times, I just have to say something about it really quick.  Calling a woman fat is different than calling a man fat. Oh, don’t get me wrong, it still hurts.  Women have been “trained” to be judged on their aesthetics. It’s why beauty/cosmetics is a billion dollar industry. And no one judges women harder than other women… But this particular social media trend irked me. That calling someone fat, disgusting, unlovable, updateable etc., will make them change with a harsh dose of reality. Hey, guess what? There isn’t a fat person out there that doesn’t know they’re fat. It’s really not anyone else’s job force them into a healthy lifestyle and weight loss. Calling a fat person fat for one, makes you look like an insecure dick. Two, pointing out the obvious is unnecessary. Three, it will not… I repeat…will not make them lose weight/be healthy. No one wants to change solely based on that one website talking about how disgusting fat girls are. People who want to change and change successfully have discovered the benefits of dropping bad habits on their own terms.

But Being Fat is Bad for the Economy

Ok, shut up.

Not completely true. This argument makes me crazy. Being overweight DOES lead to more health complications which eat into healthcare costs “for everyone”.  Diabetes, pills, heart problems and even lead to people being unable to work and put on SSDI. But you know what is REALLY bad for the economy for health issues? Stress and Mental Illness (associated with stress). An obese person can cost up to $5400 for employers to insure. Stress related illnesses costs companies over $7200 per year!  Obesity is 20% of healthcare expenditures, while stress related costs are over 50% in America . You know what stresses people out the most? Being a dick. Worrying about other people’s issues like how fat THEY are. Anger issues. Control issues. Rage. Being caught up in an environment that isn’t good for you. FAT SHAMING.

Someone else being fat (or skinny) is really none of your f***ing business. It doesn’t raise your rent or prevent you from paying bills. It doesn’t prevent you from getting laid or finding a suitable life partner. It doesn’t prevent your kid from getting into college. It does not give you the right to disrespect different bodies, to their face, behind their backs or behind a keyboard. Relax.


Now, life’s daily annoyances about someone else being bigger are understandable. As a public transit person, when someone is taking up more than one seat it totally annoys me. But so does when a smaller person takes up more than on seat with 100 bags. Airplanes suck too. But it’s just that, an annoyance for you. Suck it up buttercup! Sorry you paid $500 for your plane ticket and you’re squished. I’ve been there, I get it. So what.  Especially living in a city, where people are around you at all times. You are not going to like everything people are saying, look like or doing. Get some thicker skin and realize you need to live your life around other people, forever and ever amen. Sure, get annoyed, get pissed off, think stupid thoughts in your head. But you still don’t have a moral obligation to right every person who has “wronged” you by an annoyance. Grow up.

Body Image

Another key point those dicks over at the website were trying to get across, is the body acceptance. Or “giving up and accepting it”. Teasing overweight women that it doesn’t matter how many Marilyn Monroe quote you use you’re never going to be attractive. Well, no. Probably not to THEM. Body acceptance is by no means to FORCE guys to like bigger women. Body love and body image is NOT FOR YOOOOOOU. NOT FOR GUYS (or GIRLS)! Stop being so egocentric, my GOD. You like what you like, no one is going to change that for you. If you like beards and tattoos, you’re not going to wake up one day and find them repulsive. No woman who loves herself is trying to convert you. Trust. Healthy body image is the acceptance to FINALLY let you love yourself. Tall, short, skinny, fat. It’s the approval you give yourself to let you be confident. Any insecure person finds confidence to be a threat. There will be haters. EVERYWHERE. You gotta be strong.

Now, the important message I want to convey:

Like a lot of people, I do not have sympathy for those who choose to live a life that is unhealthy for them and complain about it. Whatever it may be: Excessive drinking, being overweight, smoking, bad relationships etc. Watching someone who acknowledges what they’re doing is bad for them, refuses to change and STILL wants to complain about it? Not interested. I don’t want to hear about it.

I will however, listen to anyone who is making positive changes and is just having a really hard time. That is literally what my entire blog is about. Quitting smoking is HARD and it sucks! Trying to change your diet and working out every day suuuucks.  But you’re trying! You’re doing it. I’m here for you.

New Year’s Resolution Shaming

There has been an interesting amount of backlash about people who have New Year’s Resolutions pertaining to healthy living. Haters. Haters everywhere. Gym rats (hi!) who are pissed off at the swarm of Resolution people going to the gym and everything being so crowded. Yes, this painfully annoying too. But guess what; take this time to try something NEW. I know I’m not gonna get a treadmill at the tiny gym I’m at now. So, I’d like to go back to CrossFit and taekwondo. There was a huge rush before the new year as well, I could never get into my gym so I decided to try hot yoga again, and I LOVE IT. Safe to say I am addicted. Rather than being pissed off and just not going to the gym or being pissed off about it, I just found something new for a while. Or maybe focus your energy on learning to cook healthier meals. There is time and space for EVERYONE to change. I know you love lifting things and riding that elliptical to the moon, but use this opportunity to try something new for yourself.

Yes, the cliché is true, a lot of people will give up by March and you’ll have your gym back. Or you can just muscle your way through the crowds and suck it up.

BUT DON’T BE MAD FOR PEOPLE WHO WANT TO CHANGE. You were there once, remember? Shit on people for being fat and unhealthy, and then shit on people when they finally want to change and show up to do the job. Stop. Cut it out you big babies.

‘I hate when people use New Years as the time to start being healthy. You’re not serious about it, otherwise you would’ve started ages ago!’

Actually, the most successful time to make changes is as a New Year’s Resolution. Here is a video about the Science Behind New Year’s Resolutions! Spoiler: you’re 10 times more likely to be successful.

So EFF all those haters giving you a hard time for who you are, who you want to be and what you’re not.

Change isn’t about letting yourself deserve a better you. I’m sorry, but the truth is a lot of people don’t want you to change. They’re comfortable in whatever role they’ve put you in for their life. If you’re the chubby funny friend, it’s going to be hard to them to accept you as the fit marathon runner. If you’re their partying friend who loves to get wastey-pants, they aren’t going to like that you’re not going out as much.

THIS is the hardest part about changing. Not only is it REALLY hard to get started, even harder to stick with it, but most of the time, even your family and closest friends…don’t want you to change. Because it means they have to, also.

Be strong. Be Brave. And get your ass to the finish line.

I don’t post enough

I’m just on Facebook and the Twitters a lot. I say a lot of weird stuff, just so you know.  You should probably go over there and love me too.

So you know I’m not dead, I’m gonna post some of my favorite current songs.










Tea = Drink’n Dirty Tree Water

What tea tastes like…

I have always been and always will be an avid coffee drinker. Anyone that knows me, knows I like my coffee to taste like dirt and pennies. Bitter, black and unforgiving…like my soul.

I remember having my first sip of coffee from my Dad when I was 10yrs old. I hated it, but I clearly wanted to be a grown up SO HARD so I forced myself to love it. Nothing like creating an expensive life time habit quite like self-inflicted Stockholms.

My Nana drank tea all the time. Lipton, the ones with the weird ceramic circus animals figurines. 2 sugars, splash of milk. I did not like tea. Because it tastes like old.


I drank coffee, like my Dad and the older kids at Dunks “Baaaw-bee, get me a fahk’n lahge fwench vanillah – extrah extrah! And a cruh-lah, kehd!”


It wasn’t until many moons later when I was on my own that tea was all the rage. Very trendy. I’d drink my $7 cup of coffee and scoff. ‘Pshh. Hippy. Drenk’n tree watah”


Once I opened my palate to other things besides coffee, hot pockets and Bud Light, I decided I’d dive in and try some tea. Mostly only when I was sick. It was the one thing I could hold down. Camomile Sleepy Time was my gateway drug.


I tried Tealuxe and Teavanna, but I was clearly out of place. Loose leaf tea? What am I, a caveman?? I gotta boil some leaves and twigs and shit and drink it? Nah, I’m good.


Oolong? Green tea? Black tea? Roobiobiosi? Or whatever it is. See, I knew what chai was, ’cause they had it at Dunks. And it was wicked awwww-some. I did try other tea with flavors that mimicked coffee flavors. Vanilla, Caramel, Hazelnut etc.


But my obsession really took off when then when my roommate Jen moved in and introduced me to the wonderful world of loose leaf tea. At first I was confused “Jen, why do we have all our compost in jars in our cabinets??”


She was very patient with me. She explained the differences between the types of teas, the health benefits, what ‘steeping’ was, how much to use, german rock sugar, agave/honey/sugar types, where to buy good tea. Everything. She made me a few cups of rose hip tea, and something jasmine and a bunch of other things. And that was it, I was hooked. If she wasn’t patient with me and took her time to explain in detail and the benefits of it all, I doubt I’d be as into tea as I am now.


David’s Tea just opened near my office. If you’ve ever been there, it is just as daunting as other tea places, but the staff their are amazing and will explain everything for you. With over 250 different flavors, you won’t run out of things to try. Now I don’t work with David’s Tea nor am I getting paid to say any of this crap, but i’m just super into them. That’s it.


Now I know the difference between white, black, green (love), oolong, pu’reh, herbal, mate (my fave), rooibos etc. I know how much to use, how to steep, how to buy loose leaf elsewhere etc.


The health benefits, though not immediate and don’t give you a jolt of caffeine that you normally get from coffee, its there. Read this article to see some of the health benefits!


The greatest investment I made was a steeping mug for my office. Infuser, lid, mug. Ba’am. Done.



Now, don’t think I’m some sort of traitor. I will still have coffee every day for the rest of my life until I die. But instead of 30 cups, I just have one in the morning, then some tea. I like tea because it doesn’t leave me with ‘yucky tongue’ (coffee drinkers, you know what i’m talk’n bout). I can drink tea without dairy and very very minimal sweetener. Not as harsh on the teeth. Plus, for me at least, it de-bloats, makes my skin smoother and glowy and I feel like I smell better. Maybe that last part is in my head, but I’m fresh to death after I work out if I had some tea earlier.


Anyway, my latest fall tea flavors have been Pumpkin Chai and Mom’s Apple Pie.


“Ha-Ha. LOOK at me, Ma! Drenk’n tea like I’m frum Cambwidge or sumthin!!!”

I Finally Cut the Red Pepper…and Other Mental Road Blocks

It’s meant to be humorous with a touch of emotional back story. Pretty much how my blog has run for the last 4 years.

This is how it all started:

Raw red peppers are my favorite healthy snack. Like a lot of people with busy schedules, sleep and healthy eating are not always a priority. But to me, when I have red peppers packed in my lunch it symbolizes that my ducks are in a row. That means along the way in this hectic life I built for myself, I SOMEHOW managed to finally make time for my health (eating)  a priority again – which means I tackled all the other areas and kept them organized. Open my purse, BA’AM  - sliced red peppers – and today, it was good day. (queue Ice Cube rap-a-long)

The problem:

I’ve kept the Facebook community updated but haven’t mentioned it on le blog yet. I was injured about 12 weeks ago at taekwondo. With what I thought was a hamstring pull, turned out to be a tendon tear from the bottom of my hip bone (my bum). Fast forward to 8 weeks of physical therapy with Scott Waugh, (PT for the Bruins!! I know, I died too).  My insurance no longer covers my physical therapy sessions unless I need surgery, which luckily is not the case. So  I have instructions to do things at home and I can start doing some light jogging. To me, that translates to running, biking and going back cardiokickboxing. Which is exactly what happened. And everything was FINE. I felt great. I’ve lost 20lbs since June 15th. I’m sure most of it is muscle mass, but I even went down a pants size.

I wanted to ease back in the TKD and I am absolutely not ready physically. I tried and I immediately aggravated the injury. Which solidified one of my biggest TKD concerns:

I thought I would be testing for my black belt in 2 months… it is a very sad reality that this is not even a little bit of an option. I know it is not a race, but I’ve been looking forward to it. 2013 has been very unlucky for me in terms of injuries. The beginning of the year, I wound up in a boot for 2 months preventing me from stepping foot in the dojang. I was able to test for my double black stripe in June and I went in guns blazing to train for my black belt. I felt amazing. Then this injury happened and I haven’t been back since July. Sort of feels unfair. To finally be mentally ready and now I can’t even touch my toes.

Right…so the red pepper thing….

I would buy some red peppers and convince myself I would cut them up, put’m in baggies and pack them in my lunch. Every day.  When i am MOST on top of my game, this is not a chore. This is just a thing that is part of my nightly routine.

Except, I just stopped with my night/morning routines (that pertained to prepping food/healthy eating).  I would buy a red pepper….look at it in the fridge, close the door and walk away.  I’d convince myself I was too tired to cut up that pepper that takes 30 seconds. I promised myself I’d wake up early and do it in the morning.

Except, I wouldn’t. I’d just open the fridge, look at it, close the door and leave my house without lunch, or breakfast or dinner (I have long days). And promised I’d do it when I get back from class/teaching/taekwondo/work etc. Or I’d take care of all of this on the weekends.

Except, I didn’t.

WHY couldn’t I just chop up that god damn red pepper!? And every night I’d go to bed feeling just a teeny bit guilty because I didn’t do it. And at work when I just pounded my 5th cup of coffee for lunch, I’d feel a twinge of guilt because I didn’t eat vegetables today…more specifically – I didn’t eat that red pepper. That I would let rot, throw it away, then buy new red peppers.

How has this become my new very wasteful and ridiculous routine? And I LOVE red peppers. But it absolutely started to get to me, but I just refused to do anything about it.

To be fair, my schedule has consisted of 3am bedtimes and 6am wake-ups. Not unusual for this time of year, but still, it gets to you.

Last night, it dawned me.

This new habit picked up right when I found out I wouldn’t be ready to go back to TKD nor take my black belt test. Without getting too psychoanalysis on it… I gave up.  I just gave up two things I loved,  taekwondo and red peppers. Or at least it felt like giving up.

I played it cool and repressed my utter disappointment that I would not be able to go back to the thing I love the most. I convinced myself that I was ok with all this time off. That jogging would be a good replacement. It’s not, btw.

I was such a sad ninja. And I didn’t even realize it.

Walking by that red pepper every day, was just a visual representation that I was disappointed with my situation and since I was repressing my real feelings about not being able to return to TKD…it just manifests itself in other areas of your life.

Like the Guilty Red Pepper Game….

Last night, while in my 10th hour of writing my paper, it was almost midnight and I decided NOW was the time I stopped being ridiculous.

I could barely see straight and I was beyond exhausted. But I took that red pepper out of the fridge and I cut that mother effer up.


Then I went ahead and cut up a green one, for good measure….


It was a small victory, but I went to bed more light-hearted than the night before. This year has been all about baby-steps to improvement. Learning how to walk again (literally). Understanding this journey isn’t supposed to be easy. It’s applicable any where, but this is my taekwondo journey and processing things properly.

So this morning, I had my first packed lunch in a long time. Complete with red peppers.


Tastes like victory.

Panko Crusted Baja Shrimp Tacos

It’s been awhile since I’ve posted a recipe. This is my favorite go-to recipe for the last year or so. When I’m being a snot about what I want to eat because I’m starving AND indecisive (which is often), these are usually what I make.  I’ve made them for other people (even people that don’t even like shrimp) and they are well received. It’s super fast, it’s easy and damn delicious. I got the idea for this when I went to Ole in Cambridge, MA for dinner and had the most amazing baja shrimp tacos I’ve ever had in my life.

The lazy but healthier version is to make this without panko. But I was hungry and felt fancy.

Here’s whatchu need:


- Cooked/deveined shrimp
- 3 eggs
- Panko bread crumbs (any variation)
- Chipotle mayo
- Minced garlic
- Hot sauce (I’m a Frank’s girl)
- Shredded Broccoli Slaw
- Herbs & Spices of your choice (today I used chives, black pepper, garlic powder and onion powder)

Simple stuff, one bowl for panko & mix the spices you like the best. Another bowl for eggs and make sure you whisk them

In the pan, olive oil and minced garlic, medium to low heat.

Remove tails from shrimp, soak them in the whisked eggs, then roll them around in the panko, then throw’m in the pan.


Keep an eye on them, shouldn’t take more than 10 minutes to brown then flip them over to brown evenly.

To make the Chipotle sauce,  you add 2 tbsp of the mayo and cut it with about 2 tbsps of water. I know, sounds totally frig’n weird right? But trust me, the thinner consistency makes it better. Mix the diluted chipotle until smooth. THEN add your favorite hot sauce. I’ve had all kinds, just go with it. Remember, it’s better to add a little bit at a time. I usually go with 2 tbsps of hot sauce.


Ok, now it’s time to put it together. Broccoli slaw has been my saving grace for so many dishes and quick meals.  I have a small allergy to carrots, but there usually isn’t enough in there to make me crazy.

You could eat this lots of ways, I usually go with small soft tacos. But since I’m out, I have whole wheat burrito wraps and it works the same way. Tip, heat the wraps in the microwave for about 10-15 seconds. Taste better and is easier to close without all the noms falling out.

Shrimp, broccoli slaw then chipotle sauce.  This makes about 4 burritos, or 6 tacos. (Dinner and lunch at work, DONE).

Oh look at that…. now you’re eat’n baja shrimp tacos.


I’m Finally 30: 30 Things To Tell My 15 Year Old Self


There are a lot of people who dread getting older and there are a lot of people who don’t. I am the latter. I’ve wanted to be older for as long as I could remember. Even now, I can’t wait to be 40.  There was never a moment in my life where I ever wanted to go back to my childhood. Don’t get me wrong, I had a great childhood. But at 9yrs old I couldn’t frig’n do anything I wanted to do.

I had BIG dreams early on. I was going to be a lawyer after all. Why? Because I loved to argue and I really wanted to carry a briefcase. I questioned everything, I wanted to know how everything worked and why. I wanted to try everything so I too can have more experience and people would respect me. Being older meant being taken seriously. I didn’t like babies when I was a baby, I didn’t like kids or teenagers when I was one. I loved everything my parents and their friends did. I loved what the older kids were doing in Summer camp, I loved hearing what real freedom felt like. I just couldn’t wait!

Part of getting older is the desire to save a younger person the hassle of making the same mistakes you made. I hated this (and still hate this). I am a firm believer in making your own mistakes, making your bed and lying in it and reaping what you sow (insert more coming of age cliches). If I don’t learn the same way experienced people learned (even the hard way), how will I ever gain my experience and respect and learn how to love who I am and what I am all about?

So maybe I have to move to a new state with my new lover before I graduate college, maybe i have to get arrested during that protest, maybe I should spend all my money on a piece of shit car, maybe I have to date someone who is totally wrong for me?  To deny a younger person of their life experiences or even guilting them into believing they are doing something bad is not only insulting but you rob them of the experiences they need to progress and move on to the next hard chapter of life. I mean, taking chances within reason. Murdering, drug addiction, unsafe sex, felonies….these are all things I don’t recommend ‘trying’ just to see what it’s like. But leaps of faith go best with a side of youth.

Now that I am officially 30, I would love a chance to tell my 15yr old self what to expect, avoid and to do again. Since I just finished explaining why no one should take away the mystery that is life, but who else should younger ME take advice from, than older ME?
1. Don’t worry, you’ll start liking boys in about 4 more years.
2. But you won’t stop dressing like one for 10….
3. Softball will not get you a free ride at college, you’re not that good.
4. Dad might yell at you about listening to Wu-tang, but he can secretly name everyone in the group.
5. You will forget what the pain feels like when you have a crush on a guy and he doesn’t like you. Then you just move on to the next one.
6. You’ll hate every single one of your brother’s girlfriends (until right now!), so don’t even waste your time being nice. Ha. You’re not nice to them anyway. Keep doing what you’re doing.
7. You will find out who your true friends are. Then be COMPLETELY wrong. Then find new friends. And repeat until your 30.
8. Welp, hope you like tattoos kiddo.
9. You’re gonna be a virgin forever. So just relax.
10. You’ll stop hating children. In fact, you’re gonna want one.
11. You start letting people hug you in your mid 20′s.
12. You will love hard with everything you’ve got and you will lose it. You will never be the same after. You’ll be better.
13. You really should’ve gotten your drivers license way earlier. You got 9 more years.
14. Do not pursue a journalism degree, I repeat. No journalism. Not for you.
15. Get better at math…it helps for what you really got your degree in.


16. Stop with the slicked back hair gel, you look RIDICULOUS.


17. The best part of getting is older, is you will not give a f*** at some point…and actually MEAN IT.
18. I hope you like moving, because you’re gonna move 11 times in your 20′s.
19.You’re gonna hate your parents and then you’re going to think they’re are the greatest people on Earth.
20.You will always and forever be close with your twin brother.
21. There are going to be some parts of life where you think you just can’t handle it anymore… and then it gets way worse. But you’ll be ok. My god, are you tougher than you think.
22. Thank your mother every day for talking you out of that tribal dragon tattoo when you are 16.
23. People do not always give you advice who are looking out for your best interest. You will see people completely different in the next decade or two.
24. I know you just picked up smoking, but c’mon. It’s really gross. Turns out, boys aren’t even into girls who smoke. But you’ll cut the shit in your early 20′s.


25. You’re going to meet your life long soul mate in about 3 years. Hang on tight, she is a pistol.
26. You’re going to work some awful awful jobs just for a pay check. You’ll work 2 and 3 jobs at a time. AND go to school full time. But you’ll be doing it proudly and all on your own.
27.Bacardi Limon is not your friend. You will find out why next year.
28.You do eventually eat seafood and red meat. But don’t worry, you got quite a few years.
29.Try everything you can. And you will. Never give up on your curiosity and drive for anyone or anything. It’s what defines you.
30. The most important part you need to learn, is don’t ever ever ever think you can plan your life. You can make a decent outline, but your life will change so many times you won’t have any idea what the hell is going on. Ever.



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