Dezolutions

This post is dedicated to the Operation Beautiful campaign that Caitlyn over at Healthy Tipping Point has successfully launched to motivate not just women, but everyone regardless of gender/size/age to really focus on YOUR beauty, not just what stares back at you in the mirror.

Hi. I’m chubby.

I’m also incredibly healthy. I work out 5-6x a week. I have great blood pressure, cholesterol and insulin levels.

I’m also: A vegetarian. A yoga-head. A cyclist. An excellent daughter, sister, niece, cousin, a loyal girlfriend and a great friend.

But I just happen to be chubby too.

I have been chubby from 14yrs old on. I never saw myself as “fat”…until other people told me so. I was always bigger than my friends, but they never made me feel that way (thanks girls, you know who you are! ). It was the boys who picked on me, the catty girls throw’n their anger at me, the Gramas pinch’n my belly, the ‘concerned’ talks from my family. I wasn’t obese at 14… I was about 20lbs overweight.

Highschool wasn’t as bad as middle school, but I was very overweight in highschool.  I had boys, whom I wasn’t even interested in tell me “I’d ask you out if you lost like 30lbs”. Who says that? Mean kids…. mean kids say that. But at least the girls stopped picking on me.

As much as they hurt my feelings, I was nice to everyone. More of a way to make them look so foolish for pick’n on such a sweet girl.  I was happy all the time, I played every sport, I joined every club and I just got along with everyone! 

And once everyone realized how nice I was, the insults stopped… but creeped up in a different fashion.

“But you have such a pretty face!”

UGGGGGGGGGH. Yes, it is a compliment. But not to a chubby girl, or at least not to me. It translates to:

“If people only look at you from the neck up, you have nothing to worry about!”

What was so wrong with my body? I bet I could march longer than you  in dress blues holding the American flag in 90 degree weather. I bet you couldn’t get a single ball past me at shortstop. I bet you couldn’t wake up at 5am for P.T., go to school for 7 hours, go to softball/volleyball practice and THEN go to work for 5 hours, come home and do your homework.

I didn’t date in highschool. On my own account. I was asked, many times. But didn’t feel like it. I had college, sports and work on my mind. I had no time for “pity dates” as I called them. I just felt like guys were asking me out as a joke. Which mean boys often did. Like a bet or dare from other stupid boys. But there were those nice guys who were sincere ( thanks fellas! ) and I knew I didn’t want to because I kept myself so busy on purpose. Partly because I didn’t want to hear the snickering and gossip about “so-&-so is going out with that fat girl!??” So, I simply declined and went on with my life.

Every holiday with my family. They load me with compliments, all having to do with everything besides my neck down. I LOVE my family, and I know they were just showering me with praise because they loved me.

“You have such clear skin!”

“Your hair is sooo long and blonde!”

and the good ole faithful:

“You have such a pretty faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace!”

I got my confidence from athletics, academics and my COLLEGE ACCEPTANCE!! Woooo hoooooo!!

The summer before college, I spent it in Italy with my good friend and her family. And I dropped 30lbs.  Off to college I went with a slimmer body AND more confidence.

I got attention from boys. Me likey.

But my nose was still stuck in the books… and karate, and the newspaper I now was writing for.

But then I realized something. It didn’t matter who was giving me attention, I was still as strong as I was back in middleschool, back in highschool, and NOW it didn’t matter WHAT  I looked, my character was still strong. And I was STILL nice.

Thats not to say I didn’t hear a dig from time to time about my weight. Even though I didn’t think I was fat, other people still thought so.  I was in a school of 40,000 students from all over the world, and I was still usually the ‘biggest’ one in the room. And some Mean Little Boys from middle school… actually turn into Mean Big Boys in college.  But I’m better than that.

I didn’t start ‘accepting’ my body till around 6 or 7 years ago. When people STOPPED telling me about “my pretty face“, and started complimenting me on what I thought was worth complimenting. “I loved your article!” “You look fantastic” “You are so great with numbers!” “You’re a great listener!” “You ‘re such a great dog-mommy”

 I’m so amazed with how much my body has done for me. All the sickness it’s battled.  How strong it is. How currrrrvy it is. And thank you J.Lo, Beyonce and all you other curvy ladies for make’n it a GOOD thing.

I gained weight since college (ahhh duh?). And I have stopped obsessing! My lord weighing myself 5, 6, 10 times a day! And for what? My weight has nothing to do with my character. I have never felt healither or been medically healthier in my life. I just so happen to be chubby.

I won’t get offended now if you tell me I have a pretty face, I’ve worked out those insecurities. I bet you have a pretty face too and I’ve learned to take a compliment and accept it for what it is and not messy it up with doubt and paranoia. It is what it is… a compliment.

I’m beautiful because: “I have a lot more to offer than a pretty face”

And if you don’t like it….

Then you can kiss another cheek, and it aint on my pretty face!

Filed under: Motivation Tagged: | chubby girl, confidence, operation beautiful, you have such a pretty face